“Returning to oneself.” I never fully understood that phrase until the day my twenty-year marriage ended. I was blindsided when my husband of over 19 years told me he was no longer in love with me and wanted a divorce. The last three years of our marriage had not been the greatest. In fact, with everything that went on in our relationship over those last three years, I had found myself in the darkest place I had ever known. I was unhappy with work, where I lived, and miserable with the person I had shared so much of my life with. This was such a dark place that I found myself in, that I didn’t think I could ever see light again. Thinking that you are so unhappy and that your life has no meaning, or that you don’t matter to anyone is a very dark place to be in. I was in that dark place for over three years. 

During those three years, events transpired in my marriage that made me think that I would be better off if I left my husband. He caused a lot of chaos, misery, and unhappiness in our relationship at the very end. He had started abusing drugs and alcohol, eventually it became so bad that his family and I entered him into a rehab treatment facility.

I stayed by his side to help him in his sobriety journey. I stayed to support him and even though those three years were dark, I held onto hope that one day we would get back to where we used to be. I held onto the idea that if we did A, B, or C then everything would work out and we would both be happy again. If he found a better job, he’d be happy again. If he finished school, he’d be less stressed and happy again. If we moved to a better house and neighborhood, he’d be comfortable and happy again. I truly held out hope that getting treatment for him would make everything well again.

However, I was so concerned with his happiness that I forgot about my own. I was so unhappy that nothing I tried helped. I quit exercising, something that had always brought me peace, because I was too depressed and tired to physically workout. Instead of dealing with my feelings, I turned to sweets to try to soothe my emotions. However, emotional eating only caused me to gain 50 lbs. in two years, leaving me feeling more miserable with myself. While he abused drugs and alcohol, I was self-medicating with comfort foods.

In early 2020, we talked and decided to change things and work on getting back to where we used to be as a happy couple. However, it only ever seemed forced and even fake. I began to see him more as a roommate and friend than as a lover and husband. It was not the relationship we had for over a decade. 

When COVID-19 hit the United States, we were forced to quarantine and work from home. Stuck together all day and night in a house that should have been filled with love. The feeling of just being roommates amplified and we talked again. This time we agreed that for the sake of both of our happiness, we should split and get a divorce. I moved into the guest bedroom that night. 

The thing that I most remember about that conversation was my husband saying, “I was really expecting that there would be tears”. I responded by saying “I would rather be alone than to continue living in this unhappy and toxic relationship that I’ve been in for three years”. I had cried too many tears over three years. I had no more tears left to cry. I had finally found the strength to let him go. I found the strength to pick up and move on. I found the strength to finally put myself first.

On that day I finally chose to save myself instead of saving my marriage. I chose my own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness over my relationship. In that moment I decided to focus on myself, put myself first, learn to love myself again, and hopefully begin to find happiness once again. I immediately felt lighter, freer, and happier than I had in years. Instead of feeling awkward or alone that first night in the guest room, I actually slept well for the first time in a very long time. 

It was on that day that I understood what it meant to return to oneself.

I knew that I had so much healing to do. Being in such a dark place, my first focus was on my mental and emotional health. Dealing with the darkness. God’s light was there for me to show me the possibility of all of the joy I could have in my life. I decided that I was only going to do things that brought me joy on my healing and self-love journey after my divorce. 

Even though I was looking to the future, I had to reflect on the past. I thought about where I was when I was my happiest and healthiest. What activities did I do? What inspired and motivated me? What habits did I keep? Thinking back helped me plot a blueprint for the person I was to become in this new life as a single person. I had spent so many years married, that I didn’t know who I was without a husband, without sharing my life fully with someone else. 

Upon this reflection, I remember that people always told me that I had a radiant glow, that I radiated a quiet strength. This became my goal and focus, to find my radiance once again. To become my most radiant self once again. 

As I’ve been on my own healing journey and working to become the best version of myself, I’ve been called to help others. My mission now is to help others look and feel their best, to become the best versions of themselves so that they can live a more vital and joyful life. To teach others how to focus on their own health and wellness, so that they too can become their most radiant selves.

I now help my clients to take a holistic approach to health and wellness through physical wellness, mental wellness, emotional wellness, and spiritual wellness. Are you ready to start this journey? Are you ready to find your own brilliant light?

My signature series, Becoming Your Most Radiant Self, will launch in the new year (2026). I will share wellness tips here on the blog, as well as on my social media. In addition, I will be launching a podcast titled Becoming Your Most Radiant Self, where we will take a deeper look at the topics I share each week. I hope you will join me and find something that resonates with you and helps you to shine brightly and become your most radiant self again.